Rev. Bill Selby offers advice on dealing with anxiety at the Anxious Times Call for Non Anxious Leaders” seminar. (photo by Marvé Ralston)
By Marvé Ralston, special contributor
Rev. Bill Selby taught a seminar, Anxious Times Call for Non Anxious Leaders, for Five Rivers District Jan. 7 at Lawrence First United Methodist Church West Campus.
Selby has been providing resources for clergy, church leaders, congregations and organizations since 1999. He formed The Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of The Rockies.
At the seminar, Selby explained that anxiety is a real threat anytime anything new is presented or ventured. It can literally tear a church into factions. He went on to explain that identifying the source of anxiety and effectively dealing with it are skills we can develop. Selby taught that we are called to provide leadership to guide our churches through the inevitable changes that must take place.
“Anxiety begins in our family of origin,” Selby said.
Much of how we react to a situation comes from our family of origin. After growing up, anxiety is often carried over to other areas of our lives. When this happens, anxiety continues to wreak havoc on our biological family, church family, church staff, workplace relationships and friendships.
“Anxiety is contagious,” Selby said.
In any of these groups, dynamics are ripe to give the most power to the most anxious.
“Anxiety can be like a virus within a system,” he said. “ It can hook us into making decisions quickly without waiting to evaluate the situation carefully. It takes nerve to stay strong in the face of anxiety. We need to be separate yet connected to those with anxiety.”
When we are working in an organization, there are actually three families at work according to Selby. There is the personal family of origin, the co-worker families and the family of the organization. All three influences are interacting and bringing differences and concerns into the group.
“If you want a healthy church, you have to deal with differences,” Selby stressed.
“You need to be willing to say ‘I,’ when the crowd is saying ‘we.’”
Selby went on to explain how we can become a differentiated leader. Self-differentiation is defining self and staying in connection. This type of leader knows where their responsibilities end and another’s begin.
“A differentiated leader needs to have a clear vision for themselves and their responsibilities. They need to be clear with their core values. When we get anxious, it’s about us. Something in our background,” he said.
“Being a differentiated leader is not just being nice. It’s not being coercive. Leaders must lead.”
“When there is no leadership, those more dominant lead out of anxiety.”
Selby finished the seminar by explaining that there will be anxiety in most groups that are working toward change. Learn to expect it and realize that much of it might not even be about this situation.
Be a differentiated leader with a vision that is clear to all and be willing to wait for the answers.
Throughout the seminar, Selby stressed working on being a non-anxious, leading presence and to seek out those people who are non-anxious as well, to add to our groups for balance.
Marvé Ralston is the Five Rivers District administrative assistant.
